Sunday, April 22, 2012

Mourning Broken Friendships (Srs Bsns)

I've been doing a lot of thinking in the last 5 months or so, and I'm pretty sure it's a result of how quickly having a child forces you to grow up, even if you were 100% certain that you already had. I have a couple friends I've had some huge fallings out with in the last five years and for the life of me I cannot stop thinking about them and how horribly things ended. Maybe I had overreacted and could have done something differently. Maybe they didn't deserve what I doled out to them, and ultimately deserved a second chance. Maybe I did the right thing. Who knows, but it's all been weighing very heavily on my mind, and I feel like I need to reach out to them in some way just to bury the hatchet, if anything. Just to know that the unspoken hatred has dissipated on both ends. To know that little would put my mind at such ease.

I think a lot about how much energy I've expended on these stupid grudges for years at a time and it actually scares me to think that if I don't change my ways, somehow this will rub off on my son. I'm so glad that I stopped the bullshit and started to realize that while he's so young. I don't want him to make snap judgments. I don't want him to hold on to anger for years, and have it slowly eat away at him until he's sitting alone wondering where all his friends went. There is so much good to focus on, even if things don't turn out in your favor. People fuck up. They just do, it doesn't necessarily mean they have to be exiled from your world, especially if it's so obvious that the love was there, and always had been.

So I suppose realizing all that is good in and of itself, but should I bother trying to make things civil, or do I just let it go? Because that's the part that has been so difficult for me. I almost feel like if I just got it out of my system, I'd be better equipped to let it go. Or maybe I'd have my friend back. I'd gladly take either outcome.

Have you been in a situation like this? What did you do?



  1. I wonder about this *ALL* the time, especially since I've had some especially nasty fallings out in just the last year. Haunts me all the time. In the past, I've reached out before and I'm 1-1. One appreciated my apology and that was that, she didn't want a relationship but the bad blood was gone. One gave me a huge fuck you and I feel horrible about it on almost a daily basis, years later.

    Wish I knew! But, lately I tend to err on the side of these people being out of my life for a good reason, and there's a million other people out there who haven't and likely won't be so careless. I hope.

    Sorry to write a novel, struck a cord with me. Hope you and Terry and the kiddo are doing awesome.

  2. It's all good! Thank you, I was totally hoping to get *some* feedback with differing views. I think my whole aim is to just get rid of the bad blood, like you said. Not necessarily looking to rekindle the whole relationship, as it was pretty intense and I don't think I can handle that in my life at the moment. But, ya know, maybe meeting up for drinks, being civil if we were to run into each other, stuff like that. I think I just totally miss all the good times, now that the ol' hatred fog has finally cleared.



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